Recover Me WebLog

I hurt! Who do I blame?

We all like to play the blame game. We routinely like to find something or somebody to blame for our troubles. I suppose that we may find some comfort in this, and it may shift the focus of others away from whatever responsibility we take upon ourselves.

Recently New Orleans has been hit by a category 5 tragedy. A storm has caused enough destruction there to literally remove the city from the map. There are great life lessons to be learned there that we can apply to our own lives.

Storms happen. Our lives are routinely impacted by storms of every size. Children are impacted by gross abuse from caretakers and others that are no less devastating to them than Hurricane Katrina was to New Orleans. What is left of these children as they grow into broken adults is very tragic. As children they know no coping stragedy other than to hide this ugly shame and indignity under layers of self-denial and perhaps abuse of others.

We run across many such people in our ministry. People who as adults are discovering the reason for their inability to deal with life's issues goes back to how in their childhood they had to deal with what were Category 5 storms to them. There are parts of these people that are afraid to come out of the shelter they have built to protect them from further abuse. The most tragic of these cases are where the abusers were those in whom they relied upon the most.

The solution is safe relationships. The healing process can be long and hard. God has designed us to love and feel loved by others. When this love is betrayed by abuse, is when the hiding begins. The hiding can only end when we find unconditional acceptance where we can bring our hurts and hang-ups into the light of ralationship.

Failing to set Boundaries

Failure to set boundaries can cause vary caustic substances to build up in our lives. These include Depression, Panic, Resentment, Passive-Aggressive Behavior, Codependency, Identity Confusion, Difficulties with Aloneness, Masochism, Victim Mentality, Blaming, Overresponsibility, Guilt, Underresponsibility, Feelings of Obligation, Feelings of being Let Down, Isolation, Extreme Dependency, Disorganization, Lack of Direction, Substance Abuse, Eating Disorders, Procrastination, Impulsivity, Generalized Anxiety, and Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior.

Whew! That’s quite a laundry list. Most of us can relate to several. Boundaries simply means that you know who you are, and who you aren't. You realize that although other people can influence your decision, they shouldnt be dictating your decisions. You should also not be dictating the decisions of others.

I could pick several areas of my life to share from. Probably the one that effected my life the most overall was Codependency.

When I was dating my first wife (I was just a teenager) I saw myself as a stronger Christian than her. I thought that she was a person who could really use a strong Christian in her life to help her along and prompt her to serve God more (or at least more like me). She was like a missionfield to me. As our relationship continued, it seemed like it was logically going toward marriage. I also took on myself more and more responsibility for her happiness and I sacrificed many of my values and took her value for my own. I had no idea that this was just the beginning of a long and co-dependent relationship.

Learning boundaries is important. Applying boundaries to an already codependant relationship can be fatal. If you find yourself in this place, seek professional help (Online Counseling could be a good place to start). Don't live life alone. If you need help, go find it.

Choosing Online Counseling

We can't do everything ourselves. If you have read any other information at this site, you can see that in order to live life, you have to open up to others. This site has a lot of help, but if you really want to sort things out, you may need Online Counseling. We have created a NEW reference site just for this purpose. You can find it at http://www.onlinecounseling.info. We encourage you to check out this site, and use the information there to seek the professional help we need from time to time to make it over the inevitable bumps that life throws at us.

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About Online Counseling

Counseling without the counselor's couch? SURE! In today's active society who has time to make appointments with traditional counselors? Now there are several resources for counseling online using either chat, email, or even telephone.

We all have issues that are keeping us from enjoying life to it’s fullest. Many of us would not make the effort to set an appointment with a traditional counselor for various reasons. Online counseling provides a level of privacy that surpasses that of traditional counseling. You can set your own schedule, and get the help you need.

When you choose your online counselor, you need to be aware of their experience working with people online. Carole Miller of Grace Tree Counseling has years of experience working with people via the Internet. It really takes an experienced person to be able to sense through the nuances of email and chat to get to the real issues.

Check out what treatment services are available to you. You may find that online counseling is a perfect fit for you to finally be able to bring resolution to the issues that are keeping you from fully enjoying life.

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